Saturday, February 27, 2021

Time Loop

Scrub, scrub, scrub, 
Never good enough
I’m stuck in a time loop
Of endless handwashing

Touch the faucet 

Scrub, scrub, scrub again


Touch the soap dish

Scrub, scrub, scrub again


Water too hot

Go to the other bathroom 

Scrub, scrub, scrub again


Take three steps from the sink

Have to turn around and 

Scrub, scrub, scrub again


Forget where I was going

What I was doing

Repeat from the beginning

Scrub, scrub, scrub all over


Wash all the dirt off my hands

And my mind

Clear my brain to focus

On the task ahead


I can’t stop until I’m ready

I’m perfect.


Or the idea of having unclean hands 

Slithers around my head

A poisonous snake.


While I’m washing and clearing my mind,

Time ticks on

Aggressively,

Relentlessly.

I have nothing to show for my hard work

But clean hands.

4 comments:

felinemusings said...

So poignant & on point. I have seen a friend do so and it was painful. Love the last line.

Erin Westphal said...

Thank you! It is painful, but if I don’t repeat until perfection...hmm, that might be another poem.

Unwanted Life said...

How do your hands cope with all the scrubbing and hand washing? The first couple of months during the pandemic and my skin was a mess, sore, and bleeding

Erin Westphal said...

I’ve struggled with it at times, but I found these clay and oatmeal bar soaps at Dollar Tree that really keep the cracking down to a minimum.

I think, with OCD, you’re trying to scrub off the contamination, while I’m just trying to get my hands perfectly clean so I can touch something with clean hands.