Running as Therapy

Yesterday I was able to do a long-ish run to clear my head.  For me, the rhythm and pace of long runs are meditative, thinking about all the things going on in my life.  Work, home, friends, dating….it can be incredibly overwhelming at times, especially when I’m still recovering from having the rug pulled out from under me almost four years ago. 

They say that time heals all wounds, but it’s also amazing how quickly I can be pushed back to that day—Labor Day, 2011—when the love of my life told me he didn’t love me.  In six words, my entire future ceased to exist.  I was left alone to face a difficult world, not knowing what to do with myself.  Very slowly, I have built a nice life, but nothing as wonderful and perfect as when we were together.

Running has been my salvation in the years since that moment.  Solo runs give me the time to think about all in my life, a way to pound all the stress and frustration into a speed workout, a way to feel an accomplishment on a day when you feel overwhelmed, or a way to sort through all the various thoughts and emotions in my head.  It’s probably why I appreciate the solo run so much, and why I can’t race every weekend.

This quest, to do these six major marathons, is a continuation of the healing process.  Bad things happen in life, and will you choose a path towards healing or a path towards destruction.  I want to choose the path towards healing, that day of someday feeling that inner happiness and light again, so I gave myself a goal that forces that decision towards health and wellness.

I’m lucky that I have access to miles of beautiful trails, and yesterday I went to an overlook by a lake.  The beauty of the trail, as well as the overlook, was just the soothing my mind needed as I pondered my place in the universe.  My mantra of late has been “There is no such thing as coincidence.  God does not make mistakes,” but my own emotions often make it hard to hear His intentions. 

Running clears the mind, makes it easier to hear all of the random thoughts bouncing around.  Feeling rather not-confident about some things, I recalled a mantra posted on someone’s Facebook wall:  Confidence is not ‘They will like me.’  Confidence is ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t.’  In my head, it translated into:  Confidence is not about being perfect, it’s about knowing it’ll be fine if it isn’t perfect.

That mantra hit home.  I had spent two days in sheer panic, due to one question:  what if the future isn’t perfect?  Well, doh, the future is guaranteed to not be perfect.  And of course, it wasn’t.  So I woke up Saturday a jumble of thoughts and tears.  In nine miles a talk to myself about how miserable I was—and why was I so miserable transformed into a realization that everything will be ok, that the less-than-perfect is part of God’s plan, that I was putting too much pressure on myself to predict the future. 

If I am going to reach this goal of finishing all 6 majors in 10 years, I have to be able to bounce back from adversity, challenges, injuries, illness, jet lag, and who knows what else?  I need the confidence that comes from knowing everything will be fine, no matter what life throws back at me.

I’m glad I got out there and ran.  My negative energy came out in the sweat dripping off my forehead, and I was ready to choose happiness instead of self-pity.   So when life gives you lemons, go out for a run.

Perfect Day!

Wow, yesterday’s half marathon was absolutely amazing!  Hollywood could not have made my experience any better, and I’m even struggling to put so many wonderful memories into words. It was an absolutely perfect day.

As I’ve posted, a running clubmate offered to pace me, and we talked on Wednesday.  I told him I wanted to do an 11:15 first mile, and he said that was fine.  He knew my goal—below 2 hours, 30 minutes, so his job was to keep me under 11 min miles.  The week had been a little crazier than I expected, especially with bedtimes, so I was a bit nervous trying to fit all of my prep in before Friday.  I flew up to Kenosha after work to pick up my packet, did a shakeout run around the start/finish area to see if I had planned the right amount of clothing, grabbed a snack, and made it home to rush around and pack everything I needed for race day.  

The crazy bedtimes really affected my ability to relax and fall asleep.  I finally konked out at 11 pm, which would be fine except that my alarm went off at 3;45 am.  Oof.  I was able to wake up and get out the door so early that I ended up being the first customer at Starbucks.  I did the drive to Kenosha while singing one of my favorite songs:  Roar by Katy Perry.  I parked in the commuter rail station garage and got myself ready to go.  I hadn’t planned on checking my bag, so I had to do the half-mile walk to the start line in my usual plastic bag and race gear.  I found my pacer, and even got a picture with another clubmate, before heading to the start line.  We lined up at the 11 min pace line, listened to the same silly banter they do at the Chicago Marathon, and soon enough, we were crossing the start line.

John had done the race before, so he knew the area and the course.  I was pumped with adrenaline at the start, and the first mile was just trying to not let that adrenaline take over as we laughed at the various signage because this section of the course was repeated.  At the first mile, we were joined by two other clubmates who had gotten stuck in the portapotty line and started at the back, despite being much faster marathoners.  One decided to move ahead, but Ann decided to hang out with us for a while, then do negative spits on the back half.

The first miles went through the nicer area of town, and we were enjoying the architecture of the homes and waving to people enjoying the race while having coffee on their back porches.  It was a comfortable pace, and all of us were having no trouble chatting as we turned north and headed towards downtown.

At this race, any sort of cheese apparel allowed you to start in the “cheese corral.”  (It was Wisconsin, after all.)  It was fun to see the various cheese heads, slices of cheese—even someone dressed up as a cow.  And of course, there were the beer ladies, women dressed like waitresses at a German beer hall, complete with stuffed mugs of beer.  Soon we were crusing through downtown and the live band, talking about the shops and how to go through a water stop.

After we went through downtown, the course went north in an out-and-back loop.  As we started our march north, we started to see the leaders.  We had many clubmates running, so it was an adrenaline boost to play cheerleader for the other runners.  It was almost a checklist, making sure that everyone was running well and sticking to their pace.

I was still feeling great as we made the turn…and then I saw how far away the lighthouse (finish) was.  I focused on cheering on other runners, looking at costumes, and continuing to chat with Ann and John, who kept saying I was maintaining a good pace.  At one point, Ann asked me if I had children…I said that I didn’t because I was holding out for the right man, and another runner who was passing us said, “You’re a smart girl.”  Hilarious.

However, my legs were tiring, and watching all of the walkers at the end of the race made me want to walk, too.  Ann and John started urging me on, saying that I going to smash my goal PR, and I was able to make mind move over matter.  Across downtown again, which was mentally challenging to pass the finish line, but John knew the course and talked me through how close we were the split and our finish.

I was eternally grateful that I made the decision to underdress.  The day had warmed up considerably, and by mile 11, I was hot in a wicking shirt and compression shorts, craving a bucket of ice.  Soon it was mile 12 and the turnaround back to the finish for us—and the back half of the marathon for Ann.

When Ann left us, John told me I was pacing for a sub 2:15.  What?!!?  My tank was pretty much empty, it was warming up, I was getting thirsty, and if I pushed, I would beat my goal PR by 15 minutes. I focused on my breathing and finishing, but there was no more push left in the tank.  I strided instead of kicked, and John grabbed my hand so we could raise our arms at the finish.  His watch said 2:19, more than 11 min—a full mile—ahead of my planned pace. 

We grabbed medals, fluids, and John’s bag, then waited for our top marathoners to finish.  The second half of the course is brutal on a warm spring day, and they were a bit slower than they expected.  I ran back to the car to change into warmer clothes, now that I had cooled down considerably, and when I came back, our club was in the middle of an impromptu dance party.  Curious about my pace, I ran over to the results tent and received my results.  I did a half marathon—13.1 miles—at 10:37 pace.  Sub 11 min miles.  I was in shock, and when I returned to the party, squealing over my time, there was celebration.  We were still dancing when the 6 hour marathoners were finishing.

What has me stunned is that when I look at my winter running, I only did half the planned miles.  If I did the workouts, slept well, and ate right…could I have been even faster?  Going into the Chicago Marathon, I am just inspired to dedicate myself further towards my quest and hopefully break five hours in the marathon.  With this crazy running club, I’m starting to believe anything is possible.

Race Week!!!

Next Saturday I’m running my first-ever half marathon.  My training is going very, very well, including a sub-9 min mile in one of my most recent training runs.  Even though I’m guaranteed a PR since I’ve never raced at this distance, I still want to have a good time, consistent with my training.  Under 2 hours, 30 minutes is very reachable.

However, it is still way over Boston Marathon qualifying pace, which is my ultimate goal.  My training was hit and miss over the past couple of months, so while I know I’m in good shape, I’m not where I want to be—great shape.  Of course, life is what happens when you’re trying to make plans.  Learning how to roll with the punches—and still succeeding—is part of this quest.

I signed up for the Chicago Marathon as well, and put down that I would break five hours.  Since my marathon PR is 5:39, I’m hoping to shave nearly an hour off my time.  It is going to take hard work and discipline to take that amount of time off my PR, and I am ready for that challenge.  Starting with pre-race prep….

The week before the race, the taper week, is about rest.  Visualization will play a big part of this week, as I watch YouTube videos of the course.  (Again, I feel like saying, “In my day, we had to pull from our memory banks because we didn’t have course videos we could play as we fell asleep.”)  Loading up on carbohydrates and water is also in the plan for the week.

I have to drive up to packet pick up the night before the race, then drive home for a good night’s sleep.  I will probably just have a protein bar with lots of water for dinner, then get up very early so I have plenty of time to drink my coffee and make the start corral after the requisite post-coffee bathroom breaks.  After 25 years, I think I’m more nervous about making my start corral than actually running.

In a long race, the adrenaline has to be tempered in the first few miles, because going out too fast causes “boinking,” or tiring out early in the race, unable to finish at pace.  I’m running with a friend who has offered to pace me, but I really, really have to do an 11:15 first mile.  That has me nervous as well, since I’ve felt so good on my runs that my first mile has been pretty fast.  It will be my focus on the final taper/shakeout runs this week.

So carbs, water, shakeout runs, and visualization.  Race week, here we go!

Detox

The word “detox” seems to have caught some buzz of late.  The big thing in nutrition is to detox your colon, detox from unhealthy, chemical laden food.  But how about detoxing from an unhealthy lifestyle?

This past week was my most stressful week of the year at work.  I went for a long run on Monday and just felt, in a word, toxic.  I have been giving in to my junk food cravings.  I’ve been ignoring my budgets.  I haven’t been kind to my friends.  I haven’t been taking care of my cat or my house.  It is as if my life is filled with all sorts of detritus that is impeding me from being the person I want to be.

I know that if 1. I’m going to qualify for Boston and 2. Run Boston, I have to conquer all of these things, since last week was the worst of it—and tomorrow is the Boston Marathon. 

So it’s time to reboot everything, a life detox.  Clean out all of the things that were put on hold the last couple of weeks.  Get my diet and budget back in check.  Clear my mind of the negative energy and stress that interferes with my empathic abilities.

I’m taking a few vacation days this week to start the process.  First, I need to get my kitchen organized and clean so that I can cook from scratch, reducing the amount of processed food I’m eating and allowing me to stick to my food budget.  Second, I need to reduce the clutter in my house, so I’m going to do a challenge where I put 100 items on eBay in 100 days.  As these items sell, the additional income will also help clean up my budgets.  Third, I’m going to dedicate time for meditation, practicing the ability to quiet my wants and needs so I can listen to others.  Finally, I still have a half-marathon in May, as well as signing up for the Chicago Marathon this fall, so there are many miles to be run.

It’s frustrating that my quest has gotten so far off track so quickly, and I hope that by finally taking the time to detox, I can get back on track.

Hoppity Hop!

Yesterday I ran the Wauconda Bunny Hop, a 4 mile run around Bangs Lake, organized by the Friends of the Wauconda Library.  It very much reminds me of the community races I would run as a teen, before there were Mudders and Color Runs and Rock & Rolls and Hot Chocolates.  Run completely by volunteers, the funds reinvested back into the community, these runs attract everyone from serious runners to people who just want to participate.  I highly encourage doing a couple of these runs every year to help your community.

After 15 years as a competitive athlete, I treat every race as an opportunity to improve.  It’s not about placement, though, but time.  Runners talk about PR, personal record, and getting one is always a goal.  Beyond time, it also is a good way to do a dress rehearsal with run prep.  I had my favorite carb load, fettucine alfredo, for dinner the night before, then had my ususal coffee and carb breakfast on my way to the race. 

My plan was to do a progression run, where each mile is faster than the previous one.  The course is somewhat hilly, with most of the first three miles the natural up and downs of roads near a lake.  I had lunch with a fellow former college cross country runner last week, and was reminded of how to conquer hills—power right through them.  That became key when they said I ran my first mile in 10 minutes, making my progression run impossible. 

I decided to instead use the hills as an interval workout, charging up the hills, then using the downhills to ease the rest.  It worked when I heard the two mile split:  19:45. 

One thing you do as a runner is prep for how you will dress for races.  The weather was supposed to warm 10-15 degrees in the time between leaving the house and finishing the race.  When that temperature differential is between 50 and 70 degrees, it’s usually not too much of the issue, but when the differential is between 27 and 42 degrees, it’s very hard to predict what makes the most fashion sense.  I dressed in layers, a t-shirt with a zip-up jacket, but had put my number on my jacket instead of my pants.

When I hit mile 3, I was warm, warm enough that I wanted to take off my jacket, but since I had my race number on it, I had to leave it on and run a very hot, slow mile.  I was 30:45 at the split, so an 11 min mile.  I was still on pace for a PR if I just used all my tempo run practice, and since I knew the course well enough to know I was almost done…I just kept plugging.

In the end, I hit the finish right about when the clock hit 41 minutes, which is a new PR for me.  I had other commitments, so I couldn’t stay to watch the bunny hand out awards or see the raffle draw, but it was a good morning for a great race.