Saturday, October 10, 2020

A Simple Cup of Coffee

 

I have to start every day with my coffee and my ritual....

Step 1:  Wash hands.

Step 2:  Turn on cold water in kitchen sink.

Step 3:  Wash hands.

Step 4:  Fill kettle, place on stove, and turn on burner.

Step 5:  Wash hands.

Step 6:  Open dishwasher with right hand.  Pull out coffee mug and spoon with right hand.  Close dishwasher.

Step 7:  Wash hands.

Step 8:  Scoop spoonful of coffee into cup.  Open refrigerator door with left pinky finger.  Pull out creamer and add to cup.  Open refrigerator door with left pinky finger.  Put creamer back in fridge.

Step 9:  Wash hands.

Step 10:  Wait for water to boil.

Step 11:  Wash hands.

Step 12:  Pour boiling water in mug.  Turn off stove.

Step 13:  Wash hands.

Step 14:  Stir coffee with spoon.

Step 15:  Wash hands.

Step 16:  Grab mug by handle and enjoy.

 

Not so simple, right?  With today being World Mental Health Day, I wanted to give you a glimpse of what it’s like to really, truly have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.  I start every morning with these 16 steps.  Every. Single. Morning.  Every. Single. Step. 

When I do it perfectly, it brings me great satisfaction, calming my mind so I can focus on my day.  When I don’t, my mind is plunged into a chaos of anxiety and fear, and it takes an enormous amount of energy to find order in that mess and re-right the ship of my day. 

The ritual keeps the monster of mental illness away, a monster of overloaded circuits and being so unable to think that I can’t drive, work, or be functional in any way, shape, or form.  It’s a battle I fight every single day, and no, it’s not as simple as “mind over matter.”  Trying to force my mind to be “normal” ends up causing physical issues, like insomnia or digestive issues.  Mental illness is truly illness.

This year has taken a toll on so many people’s mental health.  The pandemic, the lockdowns, the protests, the election have been so stressful, so traumatic, that anger and sadness fill our world.  Please take some time to listen, to learn, to grow, and to truly understand what it is like to live with mental illness.  Pledge to stop joking about “being OCD” because you want everything neat and clean and organized.  (It’s really, really not funny or cute or true.  OCD is a very complicated diagnosis where your brain is just not wired like everyone else’s.)  Commit to listening to others talk about their issues without feeling the need to give advice, because “what you would do” probably won’t work for someone else.

We still have a long way to go before this chapter of history ends, and we can only thrive if we face it with compassion and empathy for each other.  World Mental Health Day seems like a good place to start with a simple cup of OCD coffee.

3 comments:

Unknown said...

Ma'am, I was diagnosed with OCD over a decade ago. I appreciate the way it can make life awful. I just want to say that things can get better. Am I 100% clear of it? No, but as my Dr said years ago when I finished some treatment, 'better' is not the absence of the condition but being able to deal with it. By that I mean it doesn't intrude, not that you avoid it. Things can seem very dark and isolating, but many know what you are going through and have reached the other side. One day your coffee routine may be much, much shorter!

Erin Westphal said...

Thank you! I really appreciate you reading and kind comments—having OCD could find this triggering. As annoying as this process is, every time I’ve gotten screwed over or failed...it’s because I got lax about these processes and procedures. They keep me focused and accomplishing instead of escaping. Its all about figuring out a life that works for my brain; I’ve been fighting my head (with great damage) for most of my life. Once I’m not putting huge energy on the “lost in translation” stuff, I’ll be able to tackle this. Thanks again!

Aqueelaash said...

I loved how you blended the "recipe" with what it lead later. Kind of like a mystery. Likes the writing style. And yes the year took a toll on many. Hope it brings any ease to those in need. Thanks for sharing xx
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